Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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