I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
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who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
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Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize