Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
