Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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