so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
