Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
