I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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