god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
