My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Someone signed my nipple.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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