And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
