i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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