she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?