Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I believe in your delicious
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony