Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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