At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"