Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!