**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.