Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard