we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
