Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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