yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
