Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
