There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
