We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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