you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
