Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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