This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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