I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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