I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
