There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
