guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
