you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Of course I have a pirate flag
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
