I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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