i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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