worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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