So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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