He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
