what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
