And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
