weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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