i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
