So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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