non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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