his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
