Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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