I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
