i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize