I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
