You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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