I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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