As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
