hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
