Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
