oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
