I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
