I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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