Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
