i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
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So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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