I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
