Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
