were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
