I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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