New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
